Meme Joe Greene

Blue Wren was tagged with this A to Z, Q&A meme, which struck me as fun, and which I hereby pass along to you. Post it at your blog, answer in the comments, or tell me it's none of my fucking business.

Accent

I spent lots of years in the radio business, so my accent (if you can call it that) is Standard American English. I've lived a lot of places, and I have a tendency to chameleon the local accent and idioms, but basically, I'm pure vanilla. Since returning to the Pittsburgh area, however, I have adopted "yinz" (2nd person singular/plural proper noun), although I never used it as a kid.

Booze

There was a time when I was entertaining clients 5 nights a week, and semi-competitive drinking was usually involved. I quickly learned that Absolut Vodka was the only spirit that didn't make me wake up feeling as if I had been shat out by a constipated rhinocerous. My golden age of alcohol is behind me now, but I enjoy an occasional glass of wine, and an ice cold Iron City Beer on a hot summer day.

Chore I hate

Perversely, I kinda like most chores. Chopping firewood (we heat exclusively with wood) gives me a feeling of authenticity and independence., Plus, it's a great release. On the downside, my rotator cuff was barking by the end of winter. It's a high impact activity, after all. Mowing grass on a lawn tractor makes me feel like Oliver Wendell Douglas. The entire painting/fixing/home improvement axis is fun, and a pleasant diversion. Filing, on the other hand, sucks like a hole in a spacesuit.

Dog or cat?


I usually had a cat around in college, because they were so fun to watch when I was stoned (which was pretty much all the time.....hey, it was the '70s). My previous wives had cats, too. The present Ms. Roxtar breeds show dogs, so I now am tolerated by a menagerie of 3 cats and 7 Labrador Retrievers. Cats are for selfish people. You can tear open a bag of cat food and leave the toilet seat up, and cats will be fine for a week while you go to Baja. Dogs, on the other hand, require more attention than kids. Still, there's nothing like the loving gaze of a devoted dog.

Essential electronics

TV. Gotta have it. Can't sleep without it. And a viable broadband internet connection is almost as basic a utility as electricity and water.

Favorite cologne

I remember all the oldies and goodies from my adolesence; Hai Karate, English Leather, Jovan Musk, British Sterling, Jade Fucking East! Proust appreciated the power of a remembered scent. It seems to me that there would be big bucks in reviving some of these vintage fragrances. I like Aqua Velva, but I can't wear it with a straight face, so I'm pretty much an Old Spice guy.

Gold or silver

I wear a gold wedding ring on my left hand, and a silver ring with Irish glyphs on my right hand. My watch is stainless and gold. I guess it's a tie.

Hometown

Here's the list. Wheeling, WV, Shadyside, OH, Indianapolis, IN, Atlanta, GA, Chapel Hill, NC, Muncie, IN, Denver, CO, Charlottesville, VA, Richmond, VA, Las Vegas, NV, Grand Rapids, MI, Amarillo, TX, Panama City Beach, FL, Orlando, FL, San Diego, CA. And now, I'm back in Wheeling. When I came back, after being away for 30+ years, I checked out the phone book, looking up the names I remembered from my grade school neighborhood. It turns out they were all still there, except one lady who died. Other than her, we were the last ones to move away.

Insomnia

Very rarely. Sometimes, I wake up unusually early, and get distracted by the woodstove or the internet, but it's not that I can't sleep. There's just something else to do.

Job title

Former morning show disc jockey, former record promotion executive, currently Public Defender.

Kids

Step-son and step-daughter, but their wonderful qualities are none of my doing. All credit to their mom. Each has a little girl, both of whom I tell to "question authority" at every opportunity. Since both are less than 2 years old, I don't think it's having much effect, but I'm in it for the long haul.

Living arrangements

We live on a hilltop in rural West Virginia, at the end of a gravel road. Yeah, it's pretty much as idyllic as you would expect. I've also lived in college towns, beach towns, and downtowns, and those were all nice in their own ways, too. I cannot recommend Amarillo, TX. To anyone. Under any circumstances.

Most admirable traits

I work for poor people, although that's not really a trait. Christ, I'm an annoying disc jockey, turned obnoxious record promoter, turned lawyer. If you're looking for admirable traits, may I suggest that you bark up another tree.

Number of sexual partners

I can't guess at the number, other than to say that it's not going to get any bigger.

Overnight hospital stays

Four, I think. Impacted bowel in 6th grade, car crash in high school, broke a collarbone playing softball sometime during the '80s, carotid endartectomy around the turn of the century.

Phobias

None, really. I cop the odd bit of anxiety in crowds, but I don't fear them. I just avoid them.

Quote

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquillity of servitude than the animating contest of freedom--go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen!" -- Samuel Adams

"If my answers frighten you, Vincent, then you should cease asking scary questions."
-- Jules in Pulp Fiction

Religion

Atheist. Although that's not so radical when you think of all the gods (Zeus, Venus, Poseidon, Lord Krsna, Ganesha, etc.), and realize that I only believe in one less god than most other people.

Siblings

I have a brother, 16 months younger. We went a long time (15, 20 years)with no contact, not from any feud or animosity, just because I was running around being a hippie while he was being a solid citizen. Nothing in common (or so I thought). He turned out to be a brilliant guy, writer of novels, dreamer of dreams, thinker outside the box, one of my favorite humans. One small example of the way he thinks: Why isn't there a cooling, soothing hemorrhoid spray? Why, indeed? Not everyone enjoys jamming suppositories and ointments up there.

Time I wake up

4:00 a.m., no alarm clock. Best part of the day.

Unusual talent or skill

I've made a hole in one, and I've been a contestant on Jeopardy. Also, when my wife has computer problems, all I have to do is go into her office and stand next to her computer, and the problem seems to resolve itself. It's like voodoo.

Vegetable I love

Potatoes. It's that Irish thing. Really fresh sweet corn, with salt, pepper and butter. A nice homegrown tomato (yeah, I know they're technically fruits, but there is no favorite fruit category).

X-rays

A nice collection of x-rays can be found here.

Yummy foods I make

Cioppino, which is an Italian seafood soup, with clams, mussels, shrimp, fish, tomatoes, peppers. When I lived in warmer climes, I always cooked the holiday turkey on my Weber kettle. I also make fantastic smoked chicken, with home-grown, hand whittled apple and/or cherry wood chips. I'll send you a bag and instructions upon request. (The chips, not the chicken.)

Zodiac sign

Pisces, the fish. And I don't think it's merely coincidence that I'm covered with scales and breathe through gills. That astrology stuff really, really works!

Your turn!